there's got to be something!

It seems like a long time since I wrote last. The thing is there's been a lot of classes to attend, and when I come back, there are either assignments to do or I feel extremely tired and sleepy.
Ya, my 4th term is officially come to an end. I still have a few classes left, but they are not going to be graded. And ofcourse I have a literature review left for my dissertation. Oh God, if there was one thing that you could give me right now, should be some clarity. I am so horribly confused about things that it's no one's business.
For eg. I still havnt been able to narrow down my focus in 'Climate change, global warming, carbon footprint, emissions, auto and political lobbies, 'An Inconvenient Truth', 'The 11th Hour', etc. etc. The problem is the topic is so vast, and a lot has already been done and studied so there are tomes and tomes to read and lots to know. Anyhow, I think I should begin tomorrow. Today doesn't seem like a very good one.

In the morning today, through the classes, I was wondering if it would be better to kiss it good bye for the horrible pain or of an overdose of pain-killers. And while I was thinking, the pain slowly took the edge off. You know there is something about some days. They are just not the happiest ones you have. So ya, there was the stomach ache and then there was Ambi Pur presentation for Brand management, which also bombed. Infact we have degenerated so badly as students, that at a point of time I actually said- 'Make relevant products for relevant people' as written by one of the fellow students, the same one who said that in the long run, Ambi Pur should look at children and teenagers.

Anyhow, my term's come to an end. And I am extremely happy about it. Despite going home, I felt I need a break. I think it's got something to do with classes but not entirely to do with that. Ya so there was something in the day, which wasn't exactly very pleasant.

I tried to play badminton in the evening and today more than anytime else I felt angry with myself forsticking with the game for so long and not being able to learn much. There were shots after shots, coming straight to my body that i could not handle, and a fellow student, who is surely not very pleasant could not make himself win. He said- 'You don't duck at the right time, so it's not right for you to play in front, and I've had to play all your shots', after which ofcourse I felt a certain burst of anger, which I think did spur me to do better. Anyhow, no one, even the best players don't deserve to talk like that. By the way, the way people play doubles in any sport such as Badminton can tell you a world about any person. I've gotten insights about people all the time while they're playing with me. And since I know this, I try not to say much while I play.

Anyhow, this done with all the pain and all the accusation, I spoke to some friends. All really good friends. But only friends after all. It's funny how I grew up so suddenly. Till some time back I used to feel problems about people, about close people and relationships could never be real. But everything that cinema or t.v lead us to believe, I feel now is true to an extent. They reflect reality as much as they construct it. There are things that could jeopardize years of well-nurtured relationships, but still they are just so worth it. A jilted friend may never come round, but just for your own sake, you've got to do something that makes you happier and for maybe that friend's sake, be honest to her, and give her time to make peace and if she doesn't forgive then you've got to forget. Anyhow, it's really complex.
It just leads to hurried hang-ups.
But then I spoke to an old friend and an old friend. He annoys and he advises and annoys and advises. But one thing I know is that there are roles that people play brilliantly, and others they flounder in so completely. So it's best to have only a few people play more than one role. For eg. Both Zoo and Minkie are great friends also. Debo's also my critic, a rather ruthless one.

Anyhow I'll do some important things like meeting my guides for dissertation and all. I hope tomorrow is brilliant. Ofcourse days are also brilliant, they are bright and make cats and dogs and people look much less scary.

Later