andheri, fort and everything in between~

I've been in Mumbai and dying to write every day. There's a lot to write, and a lot of resistance and stalling off too, but I'll try and remember everything about this last one week.

Mumbai is colossal. It's from everywhere to everywhere and why I know it so much is because I've travelled a good deal in this time. Office is in Fort, the towner side of Mumbai, and home is somewhere in the neck of Andheri East.

I take a walk to the bus station, take a bus, take a train and take a walk. The commute divides in 3 legs. And walking is the best, which is to say that the train and bus are nightmarish and ordealish in any combination. Everyday is a new day. In which any generalization could be sweeping. One day the bus or the train journey manageable and the next day i'm disposed to thinking otherwise. I have to say I havn't encountered the most humble people in Mumbai. They scorn all the time. Or I think, it could be just me. They know that crowd is a commute reality but they still sulk at others. They know that you're being pushed by someone else in the train from behind, but they will still mutter something completely incomprehensible in Marathi and make you feel like an outsider. I daresay I feel like one here. So train's been a little unwelcoming in that sense.

I dread Dadar station like lightning. My fingers cross in hope that somehow we can pass it by, without stopping. I love it at other times in hope that it comes 5 minutes too soon and people get off the train.

Fragrances, aromas, stinks mix everywhere. The fish stench on CST skilfully transforms into the shoe-polish smell and then the collective odours of the shampoos and powders and deodorants people use.

Queues are rampant. From everywhere to everywhere again. But people don't complain. Oh, no, they don't complain. I'm told they revel in this discomfort, or should I call it rut. It's everyday for them is fine, but it's fine it's everyday for them. Standing in the bus I felt like a soldier one day. Then I looked at the other lady standing too and I didn't think she would complain and think of herself as brave. When I do manage to find a place, people hit my head all the time. Sometimes their crotches are so close, but it's nothing to worry about.

People also mock here. One day I waited for the bus for 15 minutes and it came, stopped for exactly 2 seconds, and left without me. I stood at the stop in shock. Looked around to see some people smirk. Yesterday, I stepped on dung, fresh from the oven, and I looked around again to see people smirk. They laugh at my complaints of distance, of noise, of people.

But it's all played in the mind. If I get used to it, I get used to it. Besides not having a definite time frame in mind of how long I might have to repeat this abominable ritual is comforting. It keeps one from breaking down everyday. There is comfort in Zoo's and Minkie's parenting and encouragement in all combinations. There's some consolation also in the cooler office. There's definite solace in mom-dad's conviction and then there's time.

Weekend was fun and lazy with Zoo. Now she'll be gone for the weekend. Minkie will be gone too for the trek. But it's all good. I have some catching up to do and some things to be gotten in order.

Later

Bullets of my sleepy vegetation!

1. I vege out at home, like i've never done before. And like a vacation. In normal circumstances, I'd have become extremely restless at not having much to do, but this is like unwinding at it's best.

2. I'd worked a one-day interest in democracy and polls. We were inundated with messages about how we must not, as educated citizens let our vote go to waste.

However, I have to make a clean breast of my lack of knowledge about the candidates standing from this constituency. I also have to admit, that I knew little about their agendas and I still went to vote for the immense electoral pressure from media and everywhere else. But I do also know more people like me, who decided to stay back home and refrain, which as an afterthought was a better thing to do. This of course also emanates from a little bit of apathy, a little bit of despondence in parliamentary democracy.

I also feel that the low turn-out amongst electorates like me might be because of constant migration from everywhere to everywhere. They havn't stayed at a place for long enough to get a voter's id. That's a little sorry, considering how important we are as targets to a lot of election campaigns.

3. IPL is spiffy, crisp and interesting.

4. I don't like black-n-white as much as I like colours, considering works of nature, expressions and countenances describe well in just hues.

5. I feel at a loss for words sometimes. No not so much a language problem as much as just the lack of putting thoughts in words.

6. Conflate moon-lit nights, appearance and disappearance of our blotchy, fluorescent from floating clouds with crackers in the wedding season with terrace, personal and intimate thoughts and Phil Collins and it'll be worth it.

7. Lots of things about which to know, the urge is rising in the chest but the overload of information online and the fact that one does not get to learn from the internet when one knows what he/she wants to know forbid me in that endeavour.

8. It's partly the heat that takes me down a lot sometimes. Sometimes it's topped by the most heinous mosquitoes and the shortage of water. It's these times, more than anytime else, I like to live on a mountain in a mosquito-proof valley. On road, I see mirages everywhere. The road and suspended somewhere in air also.

9. Shed thy ego in driving and relationships. Don't say to yourself, 'let the car honk, I'll not let him pass' or 'Let me show that indiscriminate driver a lesson' or 'I'll not talk till he/she talks' or 'What the hell, it's not my turn'.

10. Let it flow, let it go.

Later

IPL- It's Pure Lure.

Long time.

I have started a new regime these days (read: the last 3 days). I do some wall practice for tennis (yes, the long lost friend, about whom I used to write so fondly). It's like playing with myself :). No no, don't get me wrong. It's like returning your own shots. But the hope of a cloudy afternoon always outSHINES the will to get up early and hit the court. However, today, as I saw the day turn silver(from clouds) from yellow, my heart leapt with joy. The line between shade and sunshine on the court blurs too subsequently. And then another leaping in joy.

When people say 'it's all in the head', it all falls in place. The trick in tennis, I've found out :d, is to slow-motion the ball when it's landing back, after the bounce, see the last of it's revolutions before you hit it with all your might, straight from the centre of the racket. Every ball, every time, with might.

Then a little run on the treadmill, some crunches and squats follow. And then some thigh pain, and fatigue follow. I vacillate between sport and fitness and fitness and sport. I have moved on from non-belief in gym. As one looks at himself slogging it out on the treadmill, the feeling of being fit is half the battle of fitness won.

Later in the day, I watch some action in IPL. The other day, I saw one of the most nail-biting, cliff-hanging match between Rajasthan Royals and Kolkata Knight Riders. These matches are bigger than loyalties. While I saw Shahrukh Khan pray and Shilpa Shetty rejoice, I felt galvanized. That's the stickiness about T-20, it's pace, it's assortment and glamour.

And today, when my favourite Chennai gets to draw with Kolkata (a fairly easy game, in favour of Chennai), I feel a little 'sinking'.

Things change all the time. In the wedding season, I no longer like to put mehendi (henna) in my hands. There was a time in my childhood when I used to crave such things. I would wear many bangles, put mum's lipstick like a shabby girl without taste, wear 'chunnis' for saris all the time (just the way I do now), make a wig and hang it around my neck and keep jerking my head in that sexy way heroines do in films. No more. I think, madnesses of childhood just peter out like this in adulthood.

But some things never change. Mums never become indifferent to us, however much they say- 'I've stopped to care about you children'. She will still come and see if we are sleeping even if we have had a battle with words just moments back. And the taste of Amul butter never changes. The assurance of the sweet voice never changes. The sting of the pernicious and scheming mosquito's bite never changes. And the promise of the eastern sun and the warmth of the western sun never change too.

So Long.

ordinary but super

holidays slip out of my hand like a chocolate chip from a cookie falls into one of those sofa cleaves and edges along while I try to pluck it with my index and thumb. feeling like a mother missing the 9 months old foetus, to the book i just finished reading. have lots of fun in telling half the details to Debo and witholding the other half, that unhinges him completely. have many a bee in my bonnet. Sometimes its working out. Staying at home and squandering the holidays away evokes crazy, gory images in my mind. I see funny things happen to myself and it's not pretty. sometimes it's someting else. But they are all too many and too small. Sometimes it's taking a back-packing trip somewhere. I open many a link to see some nice vegetarian recipes to fix something in the kitchen. But the moment passes, I bookmark those links and I never go back to that. Later I open many a link for architecture types and forms. Bookmark those and then never go back to them. Sometimes, I have many pages(Tabs * Windows)open on my computer that are never visited again. In the meantime, Zoo goes to Amreeka and Debo takes exams. I think about Minkie at times and the time-zones and the one-way-ness upset me then. I want to pole vault time and space then. Anyhow, these are momentary things and pass me by in another instant.

Later

cocktail

now that i have shifted my base from ahmedabad for good, there were some things that needed winding up. For eg. I spoke to Vodafone executives to solve my post-paid problem. D'abbord, cest moi, que presente les problemes grandes. Deuxiemement, les executives sont tres prepare, comme, ils soint tres exaspere pas mes problemes, finalement, they breathed a sigh or relief, continue a me demander si ils peuvent faire quelque chose pour moi, in a long and boring drone of 'i hope mam, the information we provided you helped us, if there is anything we can do for you, please let us know.'. And while they neared the end of this refrain, je pensais d'une nouvelle probleme, et ils repetaient la meme message.

Je crois, mes probleme restent comme ca. Mais, au'jourdhi jai recontre plus qu'une fois, un exposure of service. Et ce sont les educateurs qui nous servent le meilleure. Ils sont dans la profession, plus noble.

Anyhow, service est tres important dans la travaux de ordinateur aussi. La diskette et chargeur ne travaille plus. Pourtant, je suis sure, les gens qui me servent le meilleure, n'ont pas etudie 'service marketing' dans le college.

Anyhow, from the top, everything else looks like a small speck. Tall buildings that were once visible, the view is completely obliterated by many more buildings in the middle. While I saw the scorching sun turn into a less bold colour of orange but a more defined round ball, one huge leaf from the coconut tree fell, from the first tumlt of arriving monsoon. And listening to reminiscent songs, I was taken two years back to another chapter of college. Anyhow, that's another story.

So while shoes are being thrown on important political people, earthquakes ravage pretty landscapes, Taliban rears it's head, mass protests take place in Maldova, India draws an almost-won match, the heat of elections becomes thicker and new sensational stories unfold everyday, on my turf, closer home while mummy and I fight, learning is becoming a little difficult in the kitchen. A few failed attempts at cooking cut me to size. Hope things are better in a few days. We'll get to feel better and eat better.

Later

home updates

mummy looks at manufacturing dates for medicines and not expiry dates. What's the point of expiry dates then. She has many such fetishes. But she works bally hard at home. papa comes home muttering some numbers for lunch at home, some filter cloth configurations. He comes home really tired in the evening. He wants to take a trip somewhere in may. Debo has been really sick for the past few days. He is being fed some nutritious food.Bhe doesn't have all of it. Today he sat all day watching football or cricket on espn. Sometimes he fights with me. But more often than that, he just cold-shoulders me. I think he just acts really insouciant but has a warm heart. Zoo works and comes back home to cook food. She works and comes back to skip dinner. And sometimes, she just has food outside. She takes lots of time to cook but takes less than 5 to eat. (One of the big paradoxes). But she will be joined by me in June.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking whom to vote for, these elections. I'm not very certain but i'm learning. I dont know how well left, nda, upa or mayawati will fare. But i wait for some reforms. I'm not liking the inaction too much.

Meanwhile also, mummy scolds me for not working. Therefore, I'm getting into the mood for working. Once i'm started, there will be no stopping my dear. There are myriad things that need to be done. I shall not squander the precious vacation doing nothing. I shall travel to many a place. And cook many a meal. And dance many a dance. And speak many a tongue.

Later

and life comes a full circle!

Exactly two years back, I was enrolled in a place called MICA. A post-graduate programme with a difference, they say. I don't know how different it is, but I do know it's scaled me completely in two years. I miss soo many things about that eco-system. In a way, MICA has spoilt me without any conscience. And this is in terms of more physical and tangible things. For eg. when I set foot at home, I was met with load-shedding. This totally took my goat. Later, the many plumbing disasters that need attention, took me back to MICA. Then there were the lush and beautifully manicured lawns. The laundry, the internet connection, the 'lan' culture, the fight for more and more shared drive, the complete meals, with both butter-milk and curd. The oh-so close 'chhota' and tt canteens, the credit, and the list goes on.

But there other intangible things also. There is the self-occupation that MICA affords. There you were allowed to stay unnoticed, do anything just by yourself, listen to any kind of music at any volume. At home, that is inconceivable. Everyone is involved with each other. One person's sneezing affects everyone in the house. The food, the temperature, the mood, etc. It's much more intrusive but more feeling. In MICA, there were no right or wrong timings for things. Here there is a right time for bathing and having food. There was no one place or even any place for anything, here there's place for everything. There was little civilization, here that's all there is to see.

What a world that was. People were alike and yet different. They confused me no end.
Collectively they would be mad. Individually they would be madder perhaps. But towards the end, I also realized that the batch would come together and make all things happen. I bow to that experience. I bow to the people, who would follow their dreams with most passion. I bow to also the ups and downs, for they made the journey like a ride. There was learning in the fine details and the broad strokes. In the grounds and the classrooms, in the solitude and togetherness and in every person I rubbed my shoulders with.

And while I am back at home, I have a summer vacation before which i can join work. I believe these might be the last summers, when I can learn to move a little bit in the kitchen, learn a little bit of French, tennis and also learn to plop-plop without having tea :)Therefore, learning doesn't stop. It never will. I will try and make the most out of it, while I can.

Later