places and times to live in again and again!

the last one week has been a phase of 'yeses' and 'noes' and 'heres' and 'theres' and ofcourse lots of good things, places and people.
the hopes and disappointments that i was talking about in the last post, finally gave way to one beautiful journey that was really one i'd like to live again. Not that I anyway forget any of my journeys, but i think there are very few that i think about for a long time afterward. It was one of it's kind because it encompassed a lot of different experiences, slow time and fast time, slow mind and fast mind, opulence and roughing up (and both to death), adventure, trial, numbness of mind and body, speedracing of mind and body and many more.

I'm sorry for such a horrible and vague description, but as I think and write about it, these are the only expressions that come to my mind. Maybe, just maybe, I can try to explain them, but the point is my language (i mean superlatives) is not rich enough to describe a lot of things. I'll attempt nevertheless.

Ofcourse, it's not an itinerary so I will again not start with where we started. But things which are top of my mind. It all began with a BIG lie. I don't usually lie, so this was different. One led to another and yet another. And I realized if I can't catch up with my own lies, I start fretting and fumbling.

So I was supposed to go somewhere else, and I landed somewhere else. Anyhow, where I landed was this place of enormous beauty, depth, fecundity and untouched by pollutions of the plains. Our resort, the warm place was perched on top of a mountain, led by roads which would not accommodate many vehicles horizontally. Our room afforded us the most brilliant view of green, brown, cement and snow occasionally. I was only wondering about the little cute-eyed, cheek-tanned little kids who inhabited those little silos. The place was cold, but unlike a lot of cold and damp places, there was warmth in the room.

We hiked and walked uphill and then downhill, all of which was fun. Sometimes, we would take the short-cuts to the next step on the mountain, climbing the rocky terrains, circumventing the winding roads.

We wassailed in the warmth of embraces of occasional smokes and bon fires of the mountains and 'magic moments'. Got a little laughy-daughy and a little dotty-shotty. It was great fun, watching people in the drunk state.

Slept well, very well, waking up in the middle of the night, amid the little tiny twinkling bulbs of civilization that paint the landscape in the night to talk a little bit of comforts and last-nights and next-mornings.

Ate well, very well. We ate in the quaintest, little 'gallas', eating whatever that was available. But mostly I junked it and junked it by eating 'American Onions' and 'Spanish Tomatoes'. Thanks to my company. They made sure these were abundant. We dreaded sick, puky, uneasy feelings amongst us and therefore carried medicines all along.

We also went to a few places that we disappointed us. But what the hell. Disappointments are necessary. One would never know otherwise that there were other people in the world, who could occupy the hot springs and geysers that you thought you once owned. One would also never come to know the real value of beautiful living on the hills.

Anyhow, it all came to an end, like i knew it would. There was some tiredness, sure and some pain in the coldest sleeper class I've known. But like I say, one has to just look around a little bit to find warmth. There was some sadness too, that a lot of good and fun had just come to an end. But in the hope of many others to come, we'll wait.

Later

And determination and dashing hopes and the letdown got the better of me!

It took a whole lot of purpose, some disappointment and it's abatement to come back to this link and start writing. Truth be told, I was dilly-dallying a lot about writing lately. Not because I had nothing to write, but because I had too much of it and I didn't know where to start.

I can draw tens of analogies. It's like a pending phone-call that you have to make for a long time, and with time the task becomes more and more of a task. So when you're talking to a long-lost friend, the call is that much briefer as against someone with whom you've talked everyday for very long but you still don't stop abruptly to fill silences with coughs or 'one-second's'.

It was like an infinite abyss, only it was a little more finite than that. It's like preparing for CAT, when the tomes and material from the class would just keep piling on and that day, when I had to start studying, pick one of those papers up would be pushed. It's AVOIDANCE. I do get it, it's one of those stupid mental things, like a disease. I avoid checking my mail because it's inundated. I fear looking at the thick heap of newspapers that remain unread. Similarly I avoided writing and avoided it like plague.

But anyhow, in my day-dream I was slated to visit this beautiful, pure and unused peak-station called Narkanda near Simla about which I was really kicked. We were going to take trains, buses, cycles, walks, toy-trains and the works to reach. But then, something came along and that shattered like a pack of cards tumbling down with a slight sigh.

Then in another dream, I was going to Rishikesh to white-water raft. Admitted that I don't enjoy plain as much as height and water as much as earth and beaches as much as apple orchards and rafting as much as cycling, but again, Rishikesh nahin kiya to kya kiya. Anyway, things happen in their own time sometime. Maybe, this dream was much better timed than the last one, or maybe I must be faced with hiccups. Maybe hiccups are good. They take you out of reverie.

That is what this last week has been. A bally reverie. I am relieved and relieved like it's a dream. I have just chilled all of last week. But even in the past when I have chilled, I have not really done that. I mean, it's not this unadulterated chillness. My mind is usually on a pending assignment or pending exams or the dissertation or placements.

But now that I am placed as a 'Research Executive' (no idea, what kind of a qualitative researcher I will be, but I will certainly try to be my best and try to learn as much as I can), it's certainly bliss. Anyhow placements also are a true test of character. They help you know so much more about yourself than you thought you did. One has to constantly make trade-offs, especially in trying times like these. There's patience on the one hand, where you wait your time for the right company to come and then hope it would take you and then there's a sense of urgency where you sit for all companies, letting companies say 'yes' or 'no' to you.

People go through so many emotions during placements. There's euphoria and disappointment and indifference and relief and despondence. One might buckle under pressure or carry on.
I think they are like auctions. Pressure builds up and builds up and it's the trailing positions that become more sought after.

I hope I start my career with energy, enthusiasm and a spirit to learn. I hope it's a good fit for my journey and I in return am a good fit for the company. I also know for sure that everyone will be placed, but it leaves them stranded in a sense. Like the way my mind is divested, theirs probably is invested in many thoughts.

People have changed their facebook and gtalk status messages. Nerdy for example said 'Energy' because she's going into an energy company, which will pay her truckloads. There are others who have kept 'Happy to Help's' and 'Desh Ki Dhadkan's' also.

The good thing has been that I;ve done a lot of new things. I went on a looong bike ride to a beautiful and serene bird sanctuary called Thol with a friend. I also let some of my bi-sexual tendencies emerge. I tried to learn the bike. I tried to fly kites and launch them. I set some full ones to become one with air. Also, it was a good time to be taken with or stricken by love or hatred. There's enough time to fight and discuss about natures. Even if you're thinking about not-so-productive things, it's just filling some empty space.

There's more time to dream a new dream every day. And certainly there's more time to play more and improve. There's more time to sit back and introspect. There's more time to mourn. And there's ofcourse time to bounce back.

Later

p.s- i just hope very badly that it's not read by some people, I wouldn't wish read it.